I lost my heart, mind, sleep and ten other things

Parenting, like marriage, is one of the areas that many fantasize about and have unrealistic expectations of. I want to tender my confession as being one of those who expected to sail through both but realized that it is involves less of self, and more of others.

Clearly my expectations were not met, and shock is definitely not the adjective I'd use to describe my feelings when I realized this. The inspiration for this post came from a generally insignificant incident in the family bathroom. Yes! We have a single bathroom for my three kids and I, insanity IS the word! And, my sanity is highly at stake...

Nonetheless, I managed to drag myself off to the communal bathroom to brush my teeth and hopefully wake up thereafter, and found the cap of the toothpaste gone and the paste hardened and impenetrable! Now, this would have been written off, as one of 'the joys of motherhood' if it wasn't something I have had to do on a daily basis for the past 5 years. It only dawned on me then, that the toothpaste might never have a lid again after being opened! My frugal alter ego must accept that the budget must always allow funds for more toothpaste!

This caused me to calculate most of the losses I am gonna have to ACCEPT and ACKNOWLEDGE about being a mother, this excludes the loss of my heart, mind and sleep!

My lost privileges:

• Drinking and finishing my cup of coffee, without forgetting about it because I have to stop a fight; forgot where I left it or ran to wipe a face!
• Eating and enjoying a meal without having to get up and help with one or the other.
• Wearing make-up without having to explain, WHY!
• Reading a book which no one has scribbled in!
• Receiving guests without having to whirl through the house to remove toys, books,etc.
• Having a conversation on the phone without SOMEONE asking whom I am talking to.
• Take a long leisurely bath with no interruption.
• My pre-baby figure
• Finding out who pinched the gum from my bag!
• Television remote control!

I might as well add that this list is but a drop in the bucket, it is infinitely endless, but without my musketeers my life would be dull and empty!

Disclaimer: Any grammatical or other errors are due to loss of sound mind and sleep!

The woman in the mirror

I always review my progress, as a parent, on a quarterly basis and I must say I sucked the past four months. Don't get me wrong, I am NOT about to belittle myself, it is my assessment of what went wrong!

I am proud of being a single mom of three, pulling a full time teaching position, entrepreneur, parent representative of a school governing body and aunt,those are the relationships and areas that require the most from me and lately there just hasn't been enough of me to go around. My forty-something year old self just needs an additional 12 hours added to my day in order to be a better version of my fabulous real self!

I love my kids dearly and am fiercely protective of them, but my overtired self has really made it painfully impossible to express that. So how bad has been, you might wonder.

As bad as:

• Snapping at my already children
• Bad mouthing their dad for not pitching to pick them up
• Threatening to have the dogs impounded
• Screaming and shouting 24/7
• Slacking on preparing good nutritious meals

The worst is that I really just want to forget about being late for work again and drop happy kids off at school, and drive off to my mornings only job and be there waiting when school dismisses. My desire to be more available for my children is destroying the results of what I am already doing! Now, that is 'mommy bashing' par excellence!

How do I convince myself that whatever I am doing right now is my best, without comparing myself to any other mother- single, married, co-parenting, SAHM or all other forms of mothering?

I shall acknowledge that :

• I am doing the job of two parents
• I step up to the plate when required
• I am a woman and mother of substance
• Without my efforts my children's world would be poorer 
• I am doing my best, albeit imperfectly

I long to pledge to myself that I will no longer aspire to be a perfect mother, because she is the figment of my and many others' imagination. She does not exist and demonizing of self, is not going to improve my performance as much as loving myself and acknowledging my works-as good- can potentially do.

I will from now on, aspire to:

• Hug instead of snap!
• Laugh rather than frown!
• Sing instead of shout!
• Pray before complaining!
• Dance in the eye of the storm!

The woman in my mirror deserves love, my support, my compassion, and to be acknowledged by me as a QUEEN!






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Tribute to my children

It is often said that a mother will accept any gift offered to her, by her children.

Over the years I found myself accepting all kinds of gifts from my children; sometimes child-like concern over my welfare truly humbles me. Children may not always have the vocabulary to express themselves, but their actions  express the emotion they can't articulate. I have lost count of the many flowers and leftover treats they kept to share with me.

The most memorable!
-My son offered to make me a cup of tea one day, and decided that it would taste better if he made a combined coffee and tea! Says he couldn't remember which one I liked most! I drank it as if it was the best brew ever!

-My youngest mixed a glass of cold beverage for me; in the bathroom. She had forgotten to take a spoon to stir the mixture and grabbed her toothbrush to do the job!

-Once I had a cup of tea so sweet that I choked and almost had a micro-heart attack.

What they could not express but showed through their hearts
A few years ago we had an armed robbery, so as a result we avoid leaving the house at night; unless it's absolutely necessary! However, one night I had to deliver muffins at a friend's nearby and  decided to walk. I asked them to stay home and indoors, till I got back. Upon leaving my friends home, I discovered my son waiting at her gate. His reason for following me there ,was that he didn't want anything to happen to me. It touched me deeply but also made me sad, because children shouldn't have to worry about the safety of parents.

Last Christmas I suffered a concussion and whiplash, after losing my footing and falling flat on my back. My son's first thought was that I was dead! The shock and fear in his voice, I know now; kept me from sinking into unconsciousness. I spent the next week dependent on them for assistance, whilst trying to keep up with my Christmas cookie orders. On one occasion I was forced to wake them up at 3 o'clock in the morning to help me get painkillers. I honestly do not know what I would have done without them!

Sometimes it's easier to complain and moan about the demands of family life and parenting, but there is awesome power when a family pulls together under pressure. My noisy ever-fighting kids are amazing!

A gift worth having, this Mother's Day

Life and my children are gifts which I am eternally grateful for, but I decided to be good to my space for a change!

Since April I have been on a quest to improve our home, and turn it into a space I can love. Yip, I fell out of love with my house and my children's home! My mind had been over occupied with raising the trio and left me mostly exhausted and uninspired.

The renovation bug bit me recently and I got my house, kids and I a few gifts, from brand new floor tiles to a porcelain cistern.

The tired unimaginative brown carpet got replaced by shiny tiles (minus underfloor heating feature). Drum roll...now we can mop and sweep with ease! No more dust ridden air whenever the vacuum cleaner is used.

The cistern, which has been gradually separating itself from the wall; and making my fear of flooding seem more likely, than unlikely- will soon make room for glassware! 

We got a new porcelain cistern that'll soon sport a vintage look; after inspiration gained from Pinterest!

Needless to say , I'm feeling quite accomplished and proud of myself; despite the fact that I might only get round to painting the miss matched walls-where the fitted cupboards ( favourite 'hide-and-seek' spot!) were- after the next financial year end!

The financial strain and sacrifice dwindle into nothingness, when I remind myself- a change is as good as a holiday!

In the mean time, I will stick to doing WHAT I can, WHEN I can!

Idealistic mommy blogger

Ideal as defined by the Oxford South African School Dictionary means ' a standard that seems perfect and worth trying to achieve'. That is totally my objective with my blog!

The following 14 days I am planning on improving my blog. This is proving to be no easy task but it is not impossible by my observation.

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 I am aiming to accomplish the following:
1. Publish one post per day.
2. Increase the number of views on my blog, exponentially!
3. Attract followers, advertisers and publishers.
4. Share my posts on as many social media platforms as possible.
5. Earn money
6. Be relevant
7. Challenge myself to produce outstanding content whilst remaining true to my initial intentions for blogging.
8. Take better pictures.

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Why should anyone read, follow or advertise on my blog?
1. I totally have something to SAY!
2. Blogging is an extension of my love for journalling.
3. Somewhere out in this big, old world someone needs to be encouraged.
4. There's nothing fake or plagiarized about my posts.
5. I want to prove to myself that I can do that which I love, and be good at it!

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1. Follow me on Google+ & Twitter @cupcakenism
2. Share my posts, and comment!
3. Advertise on my blog!

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