The woman in the mirror

I always review my progress, as a parent, on a quarterly basis and I must say I sucked the past four months. Don't get me wrong, I am NOT about to belittle myself, it is my assessment of what went wrong!

I am proud of being a single mom of three, pulling a full time teaching position, entrepreneur, parent representative of a school governing body and aunt,those are the relationships and areas that require the most from me and lately there just hasn't been enough of me to go around. My forty-something year old self just needs an additional 12 hours added to my day in order to be a better version of my fabulous real self!

I love my kids dearly and am fiercely protective of them, but my overtired self has really made it painfully impossible to express that. So how bad has been, you might wonder.

As bad as:

• Snapping at my already children
• Bad mouthing their dad for not pitching to pick them up
• Threatening to have the dogs impounded
• Screaming and shouting 24/7
• Slacking on preparing good nutritious meals

The worst is that I really just want to forget about being late for work again and drop happy kids off at school, and drive off to my mornings only job and be there waiting when school dismisses. My desire to be more available for my children is destroying the results of what I am already doing! Now, that is 'mommy bashing' par excellence!

How do I convince myself that whatever I am doing right now is my best, without comparing myself to any other mother- single, married, co-parenting, SAHM or all other forms of mothering?

I shall acknowledge that :

• I am doing the job of two parents
• I step up to the plate when required
• I am a woman and mother of substance
• Without my efforts my children's world would be poorer 
• I am doing my best, albeit imperfectly

I long to pledge to myself that I will no longer aspire to be a perfect mother, because she is the figment of my and many others' imagination. She does not exist and demonizing of self, is not going to improve my performance as much as loving myself and acknowledging my works-as good- can potentially do.

I will from now on, aspire to:

• Hug instead of snap!
• Laugh rather than frown!
• Sing instead of shout!
• Pray before complaining!
• Dance in the eye of the storm!

The woman in my mirror deserves love, my support, my compassion, and to be acknowledged by me as a QUEEN!






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Mother's Day Prayer

A sincere prayer from a mother's heart.

Dear God
Thank you for the gift of our children.

Thank you that our hearts were made in such a way that we still love our kids, despite them
- throwing tantrums in the mall
- pinching our mommy treats from the back of our underwear drawer
- scribble in our Bibles
- play dress up with our best shoes, handbags and accessories
- fight with their siblings 24/7
- sneak their pets into the bedrooms
- still don't understand portion control
- undress in the lounge
- repeat everything you said in anger
- have absolutely no idea how much noise they make
- cheat on their chores
- moan and complain about having to do chores
- make you feel like you're the worst parent ever.

Thank you that we are still loved by our kids, despite
- being impatient
- complaining about how much we sacrifice for them
- freaking out over  trivial things at times
- forgetting that they are children and  don't always understand what is expected of them
- nagging endlessly
- acting like kids ourselves, at times.

God please change the hearts and minds of the leaders of our countries, so they include a tax rebate for dads who are involved in their children's lives, and give heavy penalties to the uninvolved dads. Bring them to the realisation that moms should not be taxed at all, because of our selfless service to the population.

Amen.

Tribute to my children

It is often said that a mother will accept any gift offered to her, by her children.

Over the years I found myself accepting all kinds of gifts from my children; sometimes child-like concern over my welfare truly humbles me. Children may not always have the vocabulary to express themselves, but their actions  express the emotion they can't articulate. I have lost count of the many flowers and leftover treats they kept to share with me.

The most memorable!
-My son offered to make me a cup of tea one day, and decided that it would taste better if he made a combined coffee and tea! Says he couldn't remember which one I liked most! I drank it as if it was the best brew ever!

-My youngest mixed a glass of cold beverage for me; in the bathroom. She had forgotten to take a spoon to stir the mixture and grabbed her toothbrush to do the job!

-Once I had a cup of tea so sweet that I choked and almost had a micro-heart attack.

What they could not express but showed through their hearts
A few years ago we had an armed robbery, so as a result we avoid leaving the house at night; unless it's absolutely necessary! However, one night I had to deliver muffins at a friend's nearby and  decided to walk. I asked them to stay home and indoors, till I got back. Upon leaving my friends home, I discovered my son waiting at her gate. His reason for following me there ,was that he didn't want anything to happen to me. It touched me deeply but also made me sad, because children shouldn't have to worry about the safety of parents.

Last Christmas I suffered a concussion and whiplash, after losing my footing and falling flat on my back. My son's first thought was that I was dead! The shock and fear in his voice, I know now; kept me from sinking into unconsciousness. I spent the next week dependent on them for assistance, whilst trying to keep up with my Christmas cookie orders. On one occasion I was forced to wake them up at 3 o'clock in the morning to help me get painkillers. I honestly do not know what I would have done without them!

Sometimes it's easier to complain and moan about the demands of family life and parenting, but there is awesome power when a family pulls together under pressure. My noisy ever-fighting kids are amazing!

A gift worth having, this Mother's Day

Life and my children are gifts which I am eternally grateful for, but I decided to be good to my space for a change!

Since April I have been on a quest to improve our home, and turn it into a space I can love. Yip, I fell out of love with my house and my children's home! My mind had been over occupied with raising the trio and left me mostly exhausted and uninspired.

The renovation bug bit me recently and I got my house, kids and I a few gifts, from brand new floor tiles to a porcelain cistern.

The tired unimaginative brown carpet got replaced by shiny tiles (minus underfloor heating feature). Drum roll...now we can mop and sweep with ease! No more dust ridden air whenever the vacuum cleaner is used.

The cistern, which has been gradually separating itself from the wall; and making my fear of flooding seem more likely, than unlikely- will soon make room for glassware! 

We got a new porcelain cistern that'll soon sport a vintage look; after inspiration gained from Pinterest!

Needless to say , I'm feeling quite accomplished and proud of myself; despite the fact that I might only get round to painting the miss matched walls-where the fitted cupboards ( favourite 'hide-and-seek' spot!) were- after the next financial year end!

The financial strain and sacrifice dwindle into nothingness, when I remind myself- a change is as good as a holiday!

In the mean time, I will stick to doing WHAT I can, WHEN I can!

Peace for life

The thought of peace for my birthday was born from whispering a prayer, "during a tired but can't sleep rendezvous" ; two days before my 43rd birthday.

I prayed for peace about
* choices and decisions I made in the past, am making in the present and will make in the future
* Raising my kids
* My health
* My future
* My children's future
* My dreams
* My finances
* My family
* Growing older
* The woman I am and own
* My relationships
* My earthly and spiritual journey
* My destiny
* Everything that broke my heart
* The dreams and desires I never verbalised and might never fulfill
* The times I could not gather my pieces after falling
* The times I gave up prematurely
* The times I held on too long
* I did not like or love myself
* The times I was more merciless than my worst critics
* The times I didn't celebrate myself
* For not listening to the Holy Spirit guiding me
* For allowing envy and jealousy take a hold of my heart
* Rejecting good people to please fake ones
* Allowing fear of failure to paralyse me

The time is right and ripe to love ME with all my perfect imperfections.