Baby feeding tips

Our first experience as a mother can easily be described as the most frightful; regardless of how many books we read on the subject or tales we were told by family and friends.

On a recent visit to a friend, who had recently had a baby, I realised with pride that I have earned my stripes as a mother and am finally licensed to dispose advice on matters pertaining to mothering. With that said, I learned that some things are better understood when based on your personal experience.

My friend is hardly an anxious mom, but is facing some pressure from relatives trapped in the dark ages! The greatest area of concern is the feeding pattern of her 3 month old.

Breast is best, and that can't be argued but some tend to feel that breast milk is insufficient for the baby. Nonsense!! This is as far from the truth as any person can get, the only complications I have found were that you have to feed more often and that it causes nearly unquenchable thirst.

The 3 main advantages of breastfeeding

* Baby gets exact amounts of milk, according to her physical
    need.
* Baby will not get constipated.
* Mother and baby get to bond.

The 3 disadvantages of breastfeeding

* The thirst!
* The funny sensation ('let down') brought on when breastfeeding
   after being away from your precious suckling.
* Having to cart an extra bag for your breast pump.

The best advice for a new mom facing the breast milk versus formula debate

* A healthy diet equals healthy breast milk.
* Trust your gut feeling and just nod when unsolicited advice is
   being offered.
* Constipation is a common side-effect experienced by
   formula-fed infants.
* Stay hydrated - water, fruit juice, tea (excluding green tea)
* There's very little need for you to top up baby's milk with
   formula, if not recommended by a pediatrician.
* Breastfeeding is the closest you're gonna get after baby's
   birth, from there onwards they become their own little person.

The best feeling a mom can ever experience must be, when you have made a good choice for your child's sake. A choice that brings you peace of mind regardless of whether it has the approval of the masses. This holds true for the moms of both  breastfed and formula fed babies.

My choice was breastfeeding, yours can be what works for you!

Three ways to supervise your school going child

Our children spend a major part of their day in school under the supervision and guidance of educators. The general assumption we tend to make, is that they are being taught - but how, by whom and what are they being taught- is a question that few can answer honestly.

I have a distinct advantage because I am a teaching mom! My advise is based on my personal experience in both areas, and not research. This is what I try to do on a daily basis with my children because of what I learned over the years. I have seen a vast array of parents from the overly involved to the least concerned. This is by no means an indictment on any parent, because we all have valid reasons for doing what we are doing or not!

The three things I do with my children on a daily basis.

1. Ask about their schoolday?
     This is generally an opportunity to encourage communication
     and get valuable information. It gives them a chance to be
     heard. Classrooms can get very noisy and busy, and teachers
     don't always have the time to give individual attention to each
     child. The possibility of playing by truant also gets dealt
     before rearing its head. You get insight into your child's
     perception of what constitutes as the 'best day of school' other
     than the 'last day'.

2.  Unpack their school bags
      Remove everything from their bags. Eliminate the element of
      surprise by being one step ahead. The purpose is to be vigilant
      about 3 things - unauthorised items; unreported homework/
      assignments/official notifications and/or  anything that raises
      the red flag. This is the surest method for being on the ball in
      terms of whether your kid is getting up to mischief or even
      playing parents & teachers.

3.   Assist with homework
       This is a task often left to the child/tutor/aftercare teachers.
        Parental supervision or just regular checks keeps you  in the
        loop with regards to possible problem areas - difficulty with a
        subject; a strained relationship between the teacher and your
        child; a learning barrier; and any other challenge you pick up
        from your child's understanding of the subject. Write
        letters to the teacher regarding your concerns and establish a
        parent-teacher relationship.

These three things could be the ones saving parents from unwanted trouble involving their children and their school time. It can all be done in 30+ minutes thrice a week -  but save you a lot of time in losing working hours to attend one-on-one meetings with teachers to discuss issues involving your child.

No parent is perfect, but a little effort goes a long way!

     

Stolen Identity

The purpose of identity is generally so one knows and is reminded of where you're coming from. The identity of an individual is then linked to a group and so forth. I have had my identity stolen a number of times.

How exactly have I lost my identity?

* My status has changed from single-and-too-busy ->single-and-looking->bride-to-be->MARRIED-> married-with-children-> wish-I-didn't-get-married-> separated.

* My body transformed as much! I started out with a 'bod to die for'->preggy bod 1-> preggy bod 2-> preggy bod 3-> I get jiggy with it, with minimum movement!

* My finances did not escape the melt down at all. My salary has always been enough with loads to spare, it migrated to -> debt orders-> bond repayments -> formula, nappies, toys, daycare & school fees->frugal -> and lately most frugal!

* Social life reduced to parent body meetings! Club scene (do they still have those!)-> party zone-> baptism preparation classes-> cyber chatting-> when last did I have coffee I didn't brew!

* Dare I forget that I have had multiple operations in the same area for the purpose of procreation!

* My right to selfishness has been revoked entirely, with no hope of ever being restored!

* In the interim I have learned to perform despite being on the brink of  'total breakdown'- level unless fueled by coffee powered sanity!

That is the total transformation of a woman who, otherwise had a bright future in fabulosity!

Right now I am the woman in the car, because that's where I am blogging from!

  

Abstract parenting

Abstract parenting is my personal recovery program, after a hectic week of homework; extra lessons, getting to school and work on time; and life in general.

The whole concept may seem strange, thus my best attempt at explaining the concept is found in Wikipedia; 'I parent only in the abstract'- meaning I am unconnected from concrete reality.

Which reality? The fact that I choose to turn my back on routine. Saturday is my day for sleeping in and just vegetate, blog, catch up on emails, etc. 

The standard weekend procedure for my children is:
* Wash yourself
* Fix your breakfast
* Make your bed
* Do your chore - dishes/bathroom/sweeping
* Free play/ television

It doesn't happen that way, ever! I have for the past year spent much time reminding, nagging, threatening and applying some form of punishment to get them doing at least one thing! It drove me insane and made my weekends miserable, until I decided to change my approach; with much difficulty. I have disengaged myself from all that should be done, and decided to focus on my recuperation from the fatigue of solo parenting . 

The result :
* They wash when they please
* Breakfast happens around brunch
* Beds are made the moment I start moving about
* Chores are left to the very last moment
* Free play & television takes precedence over all else

What am I hoping to achieve through this method?
* Retain my sanity
* Avoid jail time for the rest of my natural life
* Regain whatever graces I lost in the course of the week
* Let them realise that I do play some useful role in their lives
* Get some needed rest and sleep.

There are times when a glimmer of success shines through the cloud of unlimited mischief. The commander, my 12 year old, would send a foot soldier to spy on me. Or, ask if I am awake or need anything. Then, I feel somewhat accomplished but obviously that happens about as often as snow in Johannesburg. 

Original concepts seldom have research to back up its practicality or functionality, but I am willing to go out - on a wobbly limb - and say it works ( for me, at least!). I have some alone time and limited monitoring woes for at least 18 hours of every weekend. 

How well it will work in the long run, is yet to be discovered. In the mean time, we will do whatever it takes to keep mom sane, almost happy and out of prison!

Holiday food ideas

We tend to eat a lot more junk food over holidays as our sense of maintaining a balance during meal preparation tends to take a backseat. This holiday we had more homemade goodies than takeaway food.  I decided to prepare easy (the kids could pitch in and help) but nutritious meals. It wasn't all bland boring stuff, it included a number of sweet treats as well.

Homemade pizza is always a winner and affords you an opportunity to clean-up the fridge.

Pizza a la bambine

Cinnamon buns easy and delicious, perfect for afternoon tea in the early autumn.

The easiest cinnamon buns ever!

Traditional South African chicken stew, prepared in a slow cooker,with 'dombolo' (steamed bread) and vegetables.

'Dombolo' (Steamed bread)

Chicken stew

Pancakes made by eldest, a definite favourite rolled with cinnamon sugar and sprinkled with golden syrup.

Pure decadence!

Oatmeal and banana biscuits, mixed with a handful of raisins and chunks of chocolate, prepared by my 5 year old.

Oatmeal biscuits

Decadent brownies, made by my son. He was too delighted to be finally baking all by himself.

Chocolate oozing from the brownies

Puff pastry wheels with bacon and cheese. Yummy!

'Bollas' a Cape Malay sweet delight. Deep fried, dipped in syrup and rolled in coconut.

Cape Malay sweet treat

Banana pancakes, easy delicious and healthy.

Banana goodness

I have to admit that the best quality time we spent, was during mealtime! Some of us are a few centimeters wider and others a bit more active, as a result of all the sugary goodness, but it was all worth it! 

Share your favourite holiday treats!

I lost my heart, mind, sleep and ten other things

Parenting, like marriage, is one of the areas that many fantasize about and have unrealistic expectations of. I want to tender my confession as being one of those who expected to sail through both but realized that it is involves less of self, and more of others.

Clearly my expectations were not met, and shock is definitely not the adjective I'd use to describe my feelings when I realized this. The inspiration for this post came from a generally insignificant incident in the family bathroom. Yes! We have a single bathroom for my three kids and I, insanity IS the word! And, my sanity is highly at stake...

Nonetheless, I managed to drag myself off to the communal bathroom to brush my teeth and hopefully wake up thereafter, and found the cap of the toothpaste gone and the paste hardened and impenetrable! Now, this would have been written off, as one of 'the joys of motherhood' if it wasn't something I have had to do on a daily basis for the past 5 years. It only dawned on me then, that the toothpaste might never have a lid again after being opened! My frugal alter ego must accept that the budget must always allow funds for more toothpaste!

This caused me to calculate most of the losses I am gonna have to ACCEPT and ACKNOWLEDGE about being a mother, this excludes the loss of my heart, mind and sleep!

My lost privileges:

• Drinking and finishing my cup of coffee, without forgetting about it because I have to stop a fight; forgot where I left it or ran to wipe a face!
• Eating and enjoying a meal without having to get up and help with one or the other.
• Wearing make-up without having to explain, WHY!
• Reading a book which no one has scribbled in!
• Receiving guests without having to whirl through the house to remove toys, books,etc.
• Having a conversation on the phone without SOMEONE asking whom I am talking to.
• Take a long leisurely bath with no interruption.
• My pre-baby figure
• Finding out who pinched the gum from my bag!
• Television remote control!

I might as well add that this list is but a drop in the bucket, it is infinitely endless, but without my musketeers my life would be dull and empty!

Disclaimer: Any grammatical or other errors are due to loss of sound mind and sleep!

The woman in the mirror

I always review my progress, as a parent, on a quarterly basis and I must say I sucked the past four months. Don't get me wrong, I am NOT about to belittle myself, it is my assessment of what went wrong!

I am proud of being a single mom of three, pulling a full time teaching position, entrepreneur, parent representative of a school governing body and aunt,those are the relationships and areas that require the most from me and lately there just hasn't been enough of me to go around. My forty-something year old self just needs an additional 12 hours added to my day in order to be a better version of my fabulous real self!

I love my kids dearly and am fiercely protective of them, but my overtired self has really made it painfully impossible to express that. So how bad has been, you might wonder.

As bad as:

• Snapping at my already children
• Bad mouthing their dad for not pitching to pick them up
• Threatening to have the dogs impounded
• Screaming and shouting 24/7
• Slacking on preparing good nutritious meals

The worst is that I really just want to forget about being late for work again and drop happy kids off at school, and drive off to my mornings only job and be there waiting when school dismisses. My desire to be more available for my children is destroying the results of what I am already doing! Now, that is 'mommy bashing' par excellence!

How do I convince myself that whatever I am doing right now is my best, without comparing myself to any other mother- single, married, co-parenting, SAHM or all other forms of mothering?

I shall acknowledge that :

• I am doing the job of two parents
• I step up to the plate when required
• I am a woman and mother of substance
• Without my efforts my children's world would be poorer 
• I am doing my best, albeit imperfectly

I long to pledge to myself that I will no longer aspire to be a perfect mother, because she is the figment of my and many others' imagination. She does not exist and demonizing of self, is not going to improve my performance as much as loving myself and acknowledging my works-as good- can potentially do.

I will from now on, aspire to:

• Hug instead of snap!
• Laugh rather than frown!
• Sing instead of shout!
• Pray before complaining!
• Dance in the eye of the storm!

The woman in my mirror deserves love, my support, my compassion, and to be acknowledged by me as a QUEEN!






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Mother's Day Prayer

A sincere prayer from a mother's heart.

Dear God
Thank you for the gift of our children.

Thank you that our hearts were made in such a way that we still love our kids, despite them
- throwing tantrums in the mall
- pinching our mommy treats from the back of our underwear drawer
- scribble in our Bibles
- play dress up with our best shoes, handbags and accessories
- fight with their siblings 24/7
- sneak their pets into the bedrooms
- still don't understand portion control
- undress in the lounge
- repeat everything you said in anger
- have absolutely no idea how much noise they make
- cheat on their chores
- moan and complain about having to do chores
- make you feel like you're the worst parent ever.

Thank you that we are still loved by our kids, despite
- being impatient
- complaining about how much we sacrifice for them
- freaking out over  trivial things at times
- forgetting that they are children and  don't always understand what is expected of them
- nagging endlessly
- acting like kids ourselves, at times.

God please change the hearts and minds of the leaders of our countries, so they include a tax rebate for dads who are involved in their children's lives, and give heavy penalties to the uninvolved dads. Bring them to the realisation that moms should not be taxed at all, because of our selfless service to the population.

Amen.

Tribute to my children

It is often said that a mother will accept any gift offered to her, by her children.

Over the years I found myself accepting all kinds of gifts from my children; sometimes child-like concern over my welfare truly humbles me. Children may not always have the vocabulary to express themselves, but their actions  express the emotion they can't articulate. I have lost count of the many flowers and leftover treats they kept to share with me.

The most memorable!
-My son offered to make me a cup of tea one day, and decided that it would taste better if he made a combined coffee and tea! Says he couldn't remember which one I liked most! I drank it as if it was the best brew ever!

-My youngest mixed a glass of cold beverage for me; in the bathroom. She had forgotten to take a spoon to stir the mixture and grabbed her toothbrush to do the job!

-Once I had a cup of tea so sweet that I choked and almost had a micro-heart attack.

What they could not express but showed through their hearts
A few years ago we had an armed robbery, so as a result we avoid leaving the house at night; unless it's absolutely necessary! However, one night I had to deliver muffins at a friend's nearby and  decided to walk. I asked them to stay home and indoors, till I got back. Upon leaving my friends home, I discovered my son waiting at her gate. His reason for following me there ,was that he didn't want anything to happen to me. It touched me deeply but also made me sad, because children shouldn't have to worry about the safety of parents.

Last Christmas I suffered a concussion and whiplash, after losing my footing and falling flat on my back. My son's first thought was that I was dead! The shock and fear in his voice, I know now; kept me from sinking into unconsciousness. I spent the next week dependent on them for assistance, whilst trying to keep up with my Christmas cookie orders. On one occasion I was forced to wake them up at 3 o'clock in the morning to help me get painkillers. I honestly do not know what I would have done without them!

Sometimes it's easier to complain and moan about the demands of family life and parenting, but there is awesome power when a family pulls together under pressure. My noisy ever-fighting kids are amazing!

A gift worth having, this Mother's Day

Life and my children are gifts which I am eternally grateful for, but I decided to be good to my space for a change!

Since April I have been on a quest to improve our home, and turn it into a space I can love. Yip, I fell out of love with my house and my children's home! My mind had been over occupied with raising the trio and left me mostly exhausted and uninspired.

The renovation bug bit me recently and I got my house, kids and I a few gifts, from brand new floor tiles to a porcelain cistern.

The tired unimaginative brown carpet got replaced by shiny tiles (minus underfloor heating feature). Drum roll...now we can mop and sweep with ease! No more dust ridden air whenever the vacuum cleaner is used.

The cistern, which has been gradually separating itself from the wall; and making my fear of flooding seem more likely, than unlikely- will soon make room for glassware! 

We got a new porcelain cistern that'll soon sport a vintage look; after inspiration gained from Pinterest!

Needless to say , I'm feeling quite accomplished and proud of myself; despite the fact that I might only get round to painting the miss matched walls-where the fitted cupboards ( favourite 'hide-and-seek' spot!) were- after the next financial year end!

The financial strain and sacrifice dwindle into nothingness, when I remind myself- a change is as good as a holiday!

In the mean time, I will stick to doing WHAT I can, WHEN I can!

Peace for life

The thought of peace for my birthday was born from whispering a prayer, "during a tired but can't sleep rendezvous" ; two days before my 43rd birthday.

I prayed for peace about
* choices and decisions I made in the past, am making in the present and will make in the future
* Raising my kids
* My health
* My future
* My children's future
* My dreams
* My finances
* My family
* Growing older
* The woman I am and own
* My relationships
* My earthly and spiritual journey
* My destiny
* Everything that broke my heart
* The dreams and desires I never verbalised and might never fulfill
* The times I could not gather my pieces after falling
* The times I gave up prematurely
* The times I held on too long
* I did not like or love myself
* The times I was more merciless than my worst critics
* The times I didn't celebrate myself
* For not listening to the Holy Spirit guiding me
* For allowing envy and jealousy take a hold of my heart
* Rejecting good people to please fake ones
* Allowing fear of failure to paralyse me

The time is right and ripe to love ME with all my perfect imperfections.

Happily everafter

I often wonder what I will do the day my children have all flown from the nest. I am planning on sticking to the nest exit age, of eighteen; and might give them a few months  grace!

That might be the most important stage of my life, and requires detailed planning. My track record for productive use of 'me time' has been severely tainted by my inability to do something fun when not with my children.

The five things I absolutely have to do:
* Eat ice cream at Nelwa's Gelato in Tanzania

Image from @nelwasgelato via twitter

* Experience a sunset in Kenya

Image courtesy of via FreeDigitalPhotos

* Touch the right hand of the Christ the Redeemer statue in Brazil

Image courtesy of via FreeDigitalPhotos

* Conquer the world one-cupcake-at-a-time with my Cupcakenism brand.

More than just a cupcake lover!

*Write a book dedicated to my children to let them know how much I love them!

Triple fold blessings

Everyday is not sunny but that doesn't mean one has to stop dreaming. So whilst my son is dreaming about becoming a Formula One driver, I fantasize about eating ice cream; uninterrupted!

It is totally worth it to raise my trio, but it will be even greater to look back on a life, lived and loved! I may not hold their or my future in my hands, but the One who holds us reminds me constantly of  '... plans to bring about the future you hope for.'(Jeremiah 29:11).

Share your plans for living a life a happily ever after raising your kids.

Are you a problem solving parent?

There is a world of difference between a person who has a big problem and a person who makes a problem big.- John Maxwell

Our perception of what constitutes as a problem, is more often than never, exaggerated. A constant headache is soon escalated to a brain tumor, based on nothing other than our own diagnosis. How many other times haven't we allowed small issues to become life issues. Yet, we can all bear witness to times when we genuinely felt like crying about something that happened, but can now retell in laughter!

Such are the woes of people and slightly more demanding for parents, who have to think on behalf of our children! That often distinguishes us from the rest of the human species...

The world calls it your gut feeling, I call it my spirit being. The  voice or prompting which lets you know whether something or someone has good intentions towards you or your loved ones.

How do you deal with it?
Grab your phone to call or text  someone?
Start panicking and create a scene?
Allow your mind to conjure up the worst case scenario?

We might think all of the above applies when you're a parent, but there are better ways to deal with challenges.

This has been my sure fire way of coping with almost eight years of single parenting and being far from family. I also have my 'crazy cycle' moments on occasion, however  this is what I know works for everything; from nightmares to a broken down car.

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos

Dealing with challenges beyond your control:

* Pray, an honest powerful prayer from your fear or pain.
* Acknowledge your limitations, but stay open to the limitless power of God.
* Unpack the problem in order to determine its merit.
* Think it through before sharing it with anyone.
* Let it go and trust that the correct guidance or help will come
* Pray intentionally for patience and wisdom
* Realise that experiencing difficulty is not a reflection on you as a person, but rather a right of passage to growth.
* Remember: Nothing lasts forever!

Going through these motions of problem solving often creates opportunities for godly wisdom to fill an anxious heart and mind.

Share how you deal with inevitable life challenges.

  

An ageless mom

I am of the firm believe that children are blessings, that's why I had one every three years, since the age of 31! That way I managed to catch up and even overtake my friends, whom had babies in their twenties. 

Pregnancy was my super power stage! It was all about me and my bump, the cosmos revolved around my growing belly. However, it also involved a number of challenges normally associated with being an older mum and having a poor gynaecological history (a story for another day!). Despite all that, I am the mom of three 'perfect angels'.

Truth be told, the assumption is not married to the truth because of the following FIVE reasons:

1. Your friends with older kids already informed you about what to buy; which baby accessories are overrated or totally useless. You still buy all of the above and more!

2. Grandma's remedies are best! The paediatrician was trained for this and knows even better, than your gran!

3. You don't panic easily, because you know 'everything's gonna be alright!'- NOT! A friend or relative better be checking up on you and baby, on the hour!

4. You are super organised! You don't recall under which file you saved your 'newborn survival manual'!

5. Hope, Paul, Faith and Skye are good solid names but very old fashioned, too indicative of mom's age! Blu, Apple, Nashmita and the likes sound much more contemporary!

I set up a very restrictive criteria for the name giving process!
* The name should be 3-5 letters long
* One name was more than enough!
* It had to have a profound meaning.
* Ancestors, grandparents and other relatives had their turn already, so we needed a unique name for the new addition, to the clan!

Image courtesy of ddpavumba at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

* Does the birth name of your babies reflect your age? 

* I'd love to know what your favourite timeless baby name is? 

* Which name would you not even consider? 

* Lastly, do you have any baby name recommendations? 

One tough mommy

I still have to meet a mom who knew exactly what their role as the primary caregiver of another human being would require. The role of mom is often romanticized and depicted as a cool stroll in the park. In short, we all suffer from shell shock when you realise your offspring is not textbook material, but an individual. Does that make you a bad mom? Of course, not!

However,you soon realise you have the responsibility of grooming your baby into the best person they can possibly become. I have been a mom for all of 12 years and still make the most unexpected mistakes with my kids.

But for my kids have done the following:
* Walked out on a job because of an anti-kid work environment
* Prayed for a teaching position in a 10km radius, which includes
   the daycare facility- and got it!
* Quit my job to be a single SAHM
* Home schooled two of my children
* Returned to a full time job to provide for their needs
* Sacrificed more than I care to count

Image courtesy of africa via FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Looking back I can't believe that I had built up such an extensive resume as a mother. How it happened is an even greater mystery! What I do recall are all the moms I met on my journey. My mother,sisters, friends, church ladies and even fellow shoppers. They knew exactly what to say and when to say it. They could see the result of the sleepless night you had, they recognised how close you were to bursting out in tears. But, they never judged you- they gave well-measured advise; held your baby so you could finish your cup of tea; offered a treat to a busy toddler- but they never judged!

That type of understanding can only come from a mother whether your baby was breastfed or bottle fed, whether you returned to work one month after the birth or never worked. The challenges of raising amazing little people, are known to moms only regardless of what we do to take of their needs. Some positions in life are so sacred that you may only raise an opinion, once you have been through the storm.

I have  been under the knife multiple times to release my babies, major surgery can be recovered from but being a mom, is a lifetime opportunity. We may not always feel confident, in our doing but you gotta faith it till you make it.

Committed to my #mommitment!

Unapologetic Mom

Love is a powerful emotion, it is such that you will do things beyond your own expectations. This I learn daily whilst raising my three children. 

When your child is born; bonding and showering them with love , is the most fulfilling and indescribable act through which love is shown by a mother. It is the most amazing and rewarding stage of mothering. As our young ones grow, so does the demands of motherhood and the more offspring you have, the greater the demand. Having more than one child does not mean you are neglecting any of your children, you merely get to share your fabulosity with more people!

The past year I had to shift my parenting gears big time! My eldest is a pre-teen, at 12. My middle child, a 9 year old boy; and the youngest at 6 is learning to become independent. My mothering skills are being tested to the brim and so is my ability to stand up for my kids. One thing I realise daily, whilst interacting with moms of all spheres, is that there is nothing unique about my challenges- it might be something new to me; but not unheard of! The best I can do, is to share how I deal with them.

Whether you are a SAHM, working mom, single mom or whichever category you want to place yourself under; you are capable of doing much for and with your children. Forget about what everyone else is doing, trust that you are doing your best. If you believe you can do better, than do so. Set your own standard whilst learning from what everyone else are doing.

Love for my kids made me choose to do a few things, that made life more manageable and enjoyable.

Try this:
* Teach them the power of prayer
* Help them understand that they are responsible for one another and themselves
* Give chores
* Let them prepare meals
* Explain the value of money
* Participate in their school organisations (they spend most of their day in school, so you might as well be aware of what happens in school)
* Allow them to have pets

One thing my children know without any doubt, is that I will confront any person who dares to infringe on their right to being. That is a total non-negotiable area and which I refuse to ever be apologetic about! We have an African saying, ' You strike a woman, you strike a rock!' You better believe it! 

As a mother you do not have to apologise for expecting your children's humanity and rights to be recognised, bearing in mind that they in turn, should not disregard those of another. Basic rights include the much debated issue of education, each person have a different opinion as to what constitutes a good education. 

Education is still an unattainable right for many across the globe, and where it is available the standard remains questionable; but that does not mean you have to accept it. No institution is above the law and in free countries, it becomes your obligation to query the status quo and if possible set wheels in motion for change or create cognisance about important matters.

Common problems experienced in schools: - Bullying
- Special Needs Education
- Gifted learners
- Attitudes , Skills and Values of educators
- Facilities
- School discipline

Where do you stand as a mother? 

• Do you protect your child by hovering on the perimeter or do you muster all your courage and join parent bodies that orchestrate change?
•  Do you leave change to politicians and civic leaders? 

No, mothers get up and start involving themselves in what affects their most precious and fragile gift. We cannot allow the box officers (people who box us by their standards) to keep us from making a difference.

Mothers need to stand up, regardless of how frightened, inadequate or ill-equipped you might feel. That could be the best way you show your children that you love them, by standing up for more children than only your own.

The roar of a mum is as bad as her bite!

We can do significant things, in small ways.

Idealistic mommy blogger

Ideal as defined by the Oxford South African School Dictionary means ' a standard that seems perfect and worth trying to achieve'. That is totally my objective with my blog!

The following 14 days I am planning on improving my blog. This is proving to be no easy task but it is not impossible by my observation.

           Image courtesy of renjith krishnan via FreeDigitalPhotos

 I am aiming to accomplish the following:
1. Publish one post per day.
2. Increase the number of views on my blog, exponentially!
3. Attract followers, advertisers and publishers.
4. Share my posts on as many social media platforms as possible.
5. Earn money
6. Be relevant
7. Challenge myself to produce outstanding content whilst remaining true to my initial intentions for blogging.
8. Take better pictures.

Image courtesy of chanpipal via FreeDigitalPhotos

Why should anyone read, follow or advertise on my blog?
1. I totally have something to SAY!
2. Blogging is an extension of my love for journalling.
3. Somewhere out in this big, old world someone needs to be encouraged.
4. There's nothing fake or plagiarized about my posts.
5. I want to prove to myself that I can do that which I love, and be good at it!

Image courtesy of Master Isolated Images via FreeDigitalPhotos

1. Follow me on Google+ & Twitter @cupcakenism
2. Share my posts, and comment!
3. Advertise on my blog!

Image courtesy of stock images via FreeDigitalPhotos

Five things I did not know about my kids

I have always believed that I know my kids best, until I started paying attention to how others described them, their teachers in particular. Some were shocking and others sort of confirmed a vague suspicion.

The greatest compliment any parent can hope to receive about their child, has to be 'well-mannered; polite; disciplined or responsible'. I'm not that type of parent, my neighbours can attest to that- I shout, threaten and deal with you (in biblical terms) because it can get rowdy and noisy here. Three children and two dogs, require a touch of gangster!

This is what I heard about my bambine that shocked me!

1. The eldest, was called a 'such a lady'! If it wasn't for my ability to withhold emotion, I surely would've woken up in ICU. I'm always fighting with her to wear shoes; a dress for church or just act more girlish!

2. My son, is apparently very stubborn! OK, that might be genetic, by my own admission! He's such a softy and my right hand man; ready to help whenever wherever, but stubborn!

3. The youngest and our resident 'diva' is quiet and finds it hard to make friends! Cannot be, the child I know has an opinion about everything under the sun.

4. They heard every warning, threat and promise ever made. My son reprimanded one of sisters about using the Lord's name when angry, his exact words, "Mum,...is using the Lord's name in rebellion!"

5. They can hold their own when it is required; they are fiercely protective of one another and their favourite line has to be, 'don't worry we will be OK'.

I'm looking forward to hearing more pleasing reports about my kids and not judge them based on the construction process!

Motherhood: Three months at a time

The past 3 months has been a grace project par excellence!

I had to painfully adjust to having three children in the public school system whilst holding up a full-time teaching position, baking, blogging, bargain -hunting,making nutritious lunch packs, running a household and looking fabulously unfazed by it all.

In reality :
* I slept after midnight most nights
* I felt like quitting my job
* Had at least one crisis per week
* Misplaced my car keys more often than I found them
* Managed to be on time for work as regular as a leap year!
* Cried like a baby!
* Finished my overburdened kids homework in my best childlike handwriting
* Remembered to wash the school uniform after falling asleep, on more than one occasion
* Used my oil heater as a dryer
* Woke up twice a night to prepare dough for homemade lunch
* Rushed from work because the kids forgot their house keys in my car
* Had car drama
* Considered managing my life with anti-depressants.

It is nearly end of March and all I can say is, the countless prayers; lamented and whispered saw me through this crazy time.

God is good, especially when it seems that our load is greater than our blessings.
  

Tips for easier parenting

A busy mom needs to come up with unorthodox ways of coping on a daily basis.


What might be a complete no-no to some, is your rescue remedy. Taking a shortcut to getting things done has become my coping mechanism. At times I want to take the high road, but if the shortcut still gets me to the same destination- why bother at all!


Three children of school going age, is no walk in the park! However, I am going to sprint through these demanding and stressful years.


TIPS:
1. I let my kids sleep in sleeping bags!
* Saves time making beds
* Bedtime is fun time!
2. They bath the night before.
* Mornings they brush their teeth and wipe their faces.
3. I let them wash their own underwear and socks.
* Sharing responsibility and being accountable for their clothing.
4. Preparing simple meals- noodles; frying eggs,etc.
* It helps when I get held somewhere or too busy to prepare lunch.

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

5. Using the city bus instead of special transport.
* They walk instead of using the bus.
6. The municipal library offers free membership and have regular programs to educate and entertain children.
* A huge saving on the cost of books and children's shows.

Our visit to the library

Nothing too radical, but totally workable for our situation!

Moms and dads share your ideas for getting it done, in your own unconventional way. I'm ready to try any if them to improve caring for my angels.

You are known by the company you keep

Every group shares a commonality such as a vision; common purpose or bond. One thus associates with those who have the same ideals and dreams.

Disassociation from some people can often be misjudged as snobbery or even arrogance. How do you ensure that you connect with like minded individuals, in a world where conformity is the common denominator?

·         Decide who you are, by your own definition (victorious/focused, etc).

·         Create a positive mantra (specifically for moments when you feel unsure!) eg. 'I believe there’s much more to the world than that which I know' NOT 'I am the boss'

·         Talk to people, in order to draw like minded individuals into your space

·         Create quality groups, have discussions about new ideas and concepts in order to expand your view of the world

·         Be prepared to be corrected and learn from someone who might be more knowledgeable

·         Create a hunger for knowledge

·         Choose a subject or issue that you are passionate about and expand your knowledge
           

There is a definite a reason why the ‘the road less trodden’ looks desolate, not everyone has the courage to risk being different.

The knowledge attained in school is not always retained, but that which we explore through our own curiosity is kept for a lifetime. Being part of circle of people who are eager to learn and share, exposes us to different viewpoints and interpretations and most of all, makes us realise that we do not know it all!

Assess your growth strategy:

·         Who are you hanging with?

·         What do you talk to people about?

·         Have you identified a field you are passionate about?

·         Have you set short, interim and long term plans?

·         Do you plans involve action or are they still an intentions?

Lions associate with lions, with pride because they know who and what they are!

Evaluate your circle, eliminate the negative and illuminate the positive!

 

We Are Blessed To Be A Blessing

I bless the Lord for his faithfulness and kindness towards me, it has been a tough journey for me since the beginning of Lent. I haven't given up anything because I decided to give a sacrifice of praise, no greater challenge than being thankful amidst many tribulations.


When was the last time you blessed someone because God had been good to you?


I am a food blogger, not as sassy as I would like to be but one nonetheless. My savvy ways and tendency to be frugal has drawn some attention! This lead me to alert my Facebook friends and Twitter followers  of food store bargains I come across in Johannesburg. However, God had bigger better plans and laid an idea on my heart.


A true event.
A friend once used the words 'I bless you from my overflow' when I appeared unwilling to accept payment from her for baked goods. It meant nothing until today...


I realised that my desire to stockpile food items and find good food deals, is not only about feeding my family, but as a result of my overflow.


The godly idea I wish to share is:


*Create #Godblessyoubox at your work or church to bless any unsuspecting person/family.


*Any non perishable item is allowed.


*Mark the box "The Lord my provider".


*The idea is to avoid anyone from feeling obliged to give but to turn each of us into 'a cheerful giver'.


*This is not about who gives the most or most often, but about the gift of giving.


God bless you and keep you.

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

Mom hates school

I am a teacher by profession so school should not be a painful experience for me or I should have at least built up some immunity to everything teachers endure in schools. My training never prepared me for the part of being a parent with a child in school.


My eldest, 12 years, is experiencing learning barriers which are generally associated with premature birth. As a result she's had all kinds of therapy and was at one stage on medication. I declined going the medicine route after she reacted badly to it, by breaking out in hives and spending more time on scratching herself than trying to concentrate. Her coping mechanism; I later learned is to scratch herself from her scalp to her exposed arms. This I realised only after discussing her challenges with her first grade teacher.

First grade was a disaster as her teacher left four months into the year. The replacement took over and I guess she didn't have the passion nor experience to deal with challenged learners. This continued right through to grade 3, which she had to repeat , because she had built up a significant backlog and had difficulty coping with the workload.


When she entered grade 4, I was more anxious about her than I had been when she was a 780grammer. She had to cope with adapting to different teachers and teaching styles, as well as moving from class to class. To crown it all the Math teacher took ill and a substitute(not trained) took care of them and upon his return, he was promoted and moved schools.


Amid all of this was an 11 year old struggling to cope and adapt to all the changes and an anxious mother to boot. The quickest solution was extra tuition which helped in a minuscule way.


Whilst she was struggling I went through the worst kind of school hell I had ever experienced. I didn't know how to help my own child despite my training. My efforts were fruitless. I knew that she was capable of achieving but the pressure and anxiety which beset her whenever she's in doubt; robbed her of all confidence.


It's a new year, new grade and a new group of teachers with their own demands and expectations; but it's still my baby who has to endure the pain of getting an education.

One thing I know for sure is that there is nothing ordinary about my girl. Neither her birth nor her life will be a boring story, but rather that of an overcomer!

Graciously 40

My state of mind on the eve of my 40th birthday.

I made a conscious decision to be 40, and better not bitter! I cannot change my poor decisions of the past, I did not know any better. I can only look forward to the next 40 years of excitement!!!

I know now beyond a doubt that God is always with me.
*He still loves me even when I fall desperately short of his will.
*He forgives me always and says that his grace is sufficient.


I look at all the great servants of God and the significance of 40 in their lives and suddenly do not feel older,but worthy of such trust from God. To me it simply means that this is going to be the most important stretch in my journey with God. I am walking in the league of Noah, Moses and Jesus.


*I have nothing to be afraid of (Ps.91)
*God is my shelter (Ps.46)
*He's my protector (Is 43:1-2)
*My confidence is in him (Joshua 1:9)
*His plans are to prosper me (Jer 29:11)

Thank you Lord for blessing me with MY life,may I be a blessing to every person I meet.


I love you Lord.

Forgive me for I sinned against you...

I wish I had more than the normal number of digits, of the average person. I have officially run out of fingers to burn!


Making mistakes are part of learning they say...Not, have I learned. It's amazing how the same weakness can present itself in all kinds of shapes and forms, that one easily ends up doing it all over again. You only realise that you've blundered-again- after making the blunder.


Like the first two sinners you want to:
1. Run and hide
2. Blame it on someone, even if it's a snake
3. Cover it up


What truly happens in the heart of the truly repentant sinner:
1. A longing to be accepted despite their inability to break free
2. A need for forgiveness
3. A need for the presence that brings peace beyond human understanding
4. The hope that you're still loved and accepted despite your weakness


What should the forgiver do:
1. Remind yourself that a mountain can't throw a rock at a hill- you're a sinner too
2. A sin confessed is fertile soil for the Word of God
3. Separate the person from the sin, continue loving, hoping and believing that God can turn it around


An individual prone to habitual sin.

Values for my beautiful black princesses

As a mother I recently realised that I have failed to acknowledge the goodness and beauty in my children, especially my two beautiful daughters.


In my quest to perfect my parenting I resolved to instill stepping stones which I regard as useful tools for raising daughters.


I wish to teach them the following values:

1. The blackness in you is priceless.


2. Beauty is not in the eye of the beholder, it's in the heart of the giver.

3. Never forget how to forgive and forget, you will need it more often than never.

4. Set God's standard for your life, it's not trend based and highly unlikely to change.

5. God created you as an individual - whatever sets you apart; is your blessing no matter what the world thinks.

6. Guard your heart and your gift.

                          From your mother, who will always love you imperfectly.
 

Loves the camera

Always getting up to mischief, photo time!

Wash me whiter than snow!

I am extremely shameless when it comes to my admission of my utter dislike of laundry day!

Since my reconstruction into a godly woman, I recalled that 'cleanliness is next to godliness'...I want to please the Lord with mine ways with as little as possible complaint. That means I have to wait a few more years before one of my three blessed children invent DISPOSABLE CLOTHES.

In the mean time I have got to remind myself to do it 'as if unto the Lord' grit my teeth at the dirt, stains and whatever else I forgot to remove from the pockets! And count it all joy and whilst feeling less sorry for myself and appreciating my ME-time.

My favourite part of laundry day has to be the  smell of fresh laundry and the sun, I don't do driers. I sun and air-dry my threads!

Wow, the high of laundry day is remembering applicable scriptures!


Scriptural references:
1. Ps 50:9
2. Col 3:23

Trust in God means letting go!

An 8 step plan to greater trust in God


Single parenting and being a stay at home mum taught me the following lessons. I gave up my full-time teaching job to start a home run business, but things didn't quite work out according to my plans. I ended up homeschooling two of my children. This essentially meant less time available for my home baking business. I was literally dependent on God's provision - all my crutches were removed and replaced by faith.

 
Lesson 1: His ways are not mine, I only see the cover he wrote the book.


Lesson 2: Trust him with something small,he is sure to make you stagger with the magnitude of his blessing.


Lesson 3: The desires of your heart are limited to what you can see - the big mansion, expensive cars, private schools,and worldly comforts. God’s desires for you exceed the ordinary it’s closest to humanly impossible.


Lesson 4: That which you declare will manifest.


Lesson 5: That thought which was actually a prayer,will be answered. Sooner rather than later.


Lesson 6: Do not measure your success by your salary, live like a bird and dress like a lily- God is your chef and designer.


Lesson 7: A roller coaster ride can't beat the God trusting edge it's more exciting and the effect is everlasting.

Lesson 8: Praise be to God always for every pleasure or trial.

I would love to hear, of the times you had no other option but to trust that God will do what his Word promises?